Jack: "blown off"?
Four Walls: Try start with Dead meat. There is a bit of a disconnect with that line to the rest. Reordering. Less bricks.
Drinking: Love the vomitting sound. Words don't work except, "I should've died with them". Try either food story, eg: that was the best meal I ever got or memory of what happened makes him gag and throw up. That can be memory of food, or of living conditions in trenches.
Print.
Try straight image, eg. hospital bed (of their time)
Text is too far up. Should be the main central focus.
Try reverse text. Try square. The idea of blocks and 90' being the structure of the army.
Virginity: what do they call their penises? "When the army shoved disinfectant up my ____. No way in hell that worked. I caught syphilis. It was fatal back then".
Four Walls: Try start with Dead meat. There is a bit of a disconnect with that line to the rest. Reordering. Less bricks.
Drinking: Love the vomitting sound. Words don't work except, "I should've died with them". Try either food story, eg: that was the best meal I ever got or memory of what happened makes him gag and throw up. That can be memory of food, or of living conditions in trenches.
Print.
Try straight image, eg. hospital bed (of their time)
Text is too far up. Should be the main central focus.
Try reverse text. Try square. The idea of blocks and 90' being the structure of the army.
Virginity: what do they call their penises? "When the army shoved disinfectant up my ____. No way in hell that worked. I caught syphilis. It was fatal back then".
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